Dressing After Forty: Sexy and Age Appropriate

Just as what is considered to be sexy differs from person to person, we also have different ideas of what is age appropriate. For instance, my crazy friend Dawn (with the half-shaved head, bright, shiny, and fuchsia baby-doll dress and zebra-print pumps) thinks skinny jeans are not appropriate after forty. And my sensible, conservative (cardigans, pearls and khakis) friend, Lori, thinks maxi-dresses are not age appropriate. I disagree with both of them. We've seen many a time that what looks appropriate on one person may look ridiculous on another. Although fashion is unique to the individual, there are some universal truths as to what is or isn't sexy or appropriate:
Don't try too hard. If you're trying to be sexy, you're probably not actually being sexy. Making a duck-face out of your over-glossed lips while staring down a stranger, then seductively licking sugar off your martini glass is embarrassing, not sexy. Sexy should be effortless. And sexy should only be meant for one person. No, not you. None of that selfish "the-goal-in-life-is-all-about-whatever-makes-you-feel-good" junk. (Anyway, why would you need to be sexy for yourself... that's just weird.) Feeling pretty for yourself is important, but dressing sexy should be for your significant other.
Simple is sexy. At every stage in my life, I've heard guys say they find simplicity in women sexiest. Not big hair and piles of make-up.
Hunky hubby says he finds me the sexiest in the morning, crazy hair and all, when I'm walking around in my wife-beater tank and PJ bottoms.
Now, if I were to walk around the grocery store like that... NOT sexy.
Confidence is sexy. Truly confident women don't need to try too hard. They know that the best parts of them are the ones that take time to discover.
Pick your body part. If you're wearing skinny jeans, wear a loose fitting top. If you're wearing a fitted top, try pairing it with slouchy pants or knee length skirt. Don't make your body parts compete against each other-low-cut, open-back top, super mini skirt, platform pumps-in a word: Yikes! Maybe you have great cleavage and fabulous legs... awesome! But that doesn't mean it's sexy to show it all at once. You might look amazing in it, but you'll look amazing and desperate. And it's only going to get you the wrong type of attention. The guy you want to be with won't like you because he'll never see you. Unless, of course, that is you and then he'll see you, and want to be as far away from you as possible. And if you're over forty, single, and still dressing like that, you might want to ask yourself how that's really working for ya.
Note: Other women don't hate you because you're beautiful; they don't respect you because you're not respecting yourself.
Avoid the Following:
The Hooch Factor. Real men don't want their wives or girlfriends showing all the goods to all the people. If a guy does ask for that, and if the woman agrees, it's a sign of deep insecurity on both of their parts. The guy is using your body to show everyone he's the man and the woman is using her body to show everyone this is the best thing about me. And, quite frankly, that's almost never true. If it is true for you, sorry... that sucks. You spend hours at the gym, why not focus on developing other body parts... like your brain? It will last much longer than your hot little legs.
Frump Factor. On the other end of the spectrum we have frumpy: Ladies, you can dress modestly and not be frumpy. You can be well above your ideal body weight and not dress frumpy. Frumpy might be comfy, but it looks messy... and frigid. Trust me-your partner does not appreciate that look.
School Marm Factor. Dressing older than you are: AKA the school marm look is not sexy. Why settle for boxy pantsuits when they have so many feminine-cut, and reasonably priced options available. And no more cotton, boxy turtlenecks. Unless you need to cover a hickey (which are not appropriate at any age), cotton turtlenecks appear stuffy and dated. Turtlenecks in a soft material such as cashmere, however, are always nice. A cowl-neck is also a much less severe looking option that I happen to love. Oooh, scarves too!
For the record, I wear both skinny jeans and maxi-dresses. I wear little black dresses & pearls and camo pants & tank tops. I wear turtlenecks (to ski). I shop at Saks and at Forever 21. I might break Rachel Zoe's fashion rules, but I don't care-I don't break mine. And Hubby likes my style.
He tells me frequently that he loves the way I dress. He loves that I don't flaunt my body. He loves that I wear lingerie for him only... not for a night out on the town. He loves that I wear heels. He loves that I wear make-up. And he loves it when I don't feel like I have to.
Homework for today: Ask your guy what he thinks is sexiest on you. Then wear it for him. Ask him what he thinks is not sexy... then get rid of it. If you already know, please share with rest of us.

Rachel M. Hills
We know that life takes us each down our own roads with crazy, unexpected turns--beautiful, funny, heartbreaking, breathtaking, encouraging, or just plain mind-boggling. We don't always know what's around the bend...just that it bends. This Blog is about Relationships,Choices, Mistakes, and Accomplishments--It's about Life...with all its twists and turns.

The Cover Up Story

Thinking of summer immediately I think of long hot sunny summer days and travelling to exotic places. In Colour Your Summer you can read about colourful swimwear for this summer, but sometimes swimwear isn’t enough for a summery outfit. When going to the beach or laying by the pool sometimes you need something quick and easy to put on over your bikini or swimsuit to make it more appropriate for sitting by the bar or strolling along the boulevards of your favourite holiday destination. Here are a couple of options you might like to bring on your next trip…

The maxi dress is my favourite cover up for when I’m sunbathing, be it on the beach or by the pool. I wear it all the time, because it’s very comfortable and still looks elegant. You won’t feel naked when you’re lounging at a poolside bar and it’s perfect for those romantic walks watching the sunset.

Wearing a mini is also an option and, if you’d ask me, it is best worn in a girly and playful way just like the examples below from Victoria’s Secret. Because you’ll already be half naked, you don’t want it to look too sexy or like you’re trying too hard. Just have fun with it!

The short is another great choice. Easy to jump into when you want to run to the ice cream truck and ‘safe’ enough for when you’re doing activities like playing beach volley or cruising the boulevard on your bike. These shorts by Banana Republic are perfect for this summer.

Playsuits are a good alternative for the short if you don’t mind showing of your legs, but still feel a little exposed on top. This season Top Shop has several different ones in their collection, from sophisticated to playful or very girly.

The tunic has always been the classic and sophisticated way to cover yourself up and it still is. Though nowadays, the oversized T-shirt is a more youthful and trendy alternative. Cotton Ink’s boxy tees are a great example.

The sarong is the most versatile item you can bring on your holiday, you just can’t do without it. It can be used in so many different ways, that I have lost count. I use mine as a top, skirt, dress and (picnic) blanket.

So these are my suggestions for cover ups that compliment your summer swimwear look. If you want to add any please share..

Top Ten Fashion Picks: Summer 2010

If you are interested in building an affordable and practical casual wardrobe this season, read on! These ten tips are designed to be your road map. Use them to bring focus to your shopping and organization to your closet:

#1 Think About Lifestyle.
Before you shop, jot down the casual activities you like doing and the clothes that make you feel your best doing them. Getting focused ahead of time about the types of clothes and accessories you actually need to build a functional casual wardrobe will keep you on track at the store.

#2 Determine Your Retail Sizing.
Many women settle for less than a perfect fit, especially with their casual clothing. Taking the time to know your correct size — petite, missy, plus or some combination — will make creating a look that fits and flatters easier. Yes, even sweat suits can fit you well and make you feel good!

#3 Pick Your Base Neutrals.
Black, white, khaki, navy and stone are good warm weather neutrals and mix and match well with a variety of brighter colors and prints.

#4 Bottoms Up.
Focus on bottoms first — pants, shorts, Capris, skirts and jeans. Once you are happy with these selections, add a minimum of three tops for each.

#5 Pick a Signature Color.
To further simplify your wardrobe, consider accenting base neutrals with one hue that you love. Stock up on tops, bags, shoes and other accessories in the same shade of this color and you will get many looks with fewer pieces than you ever imagined — promise!

#6 Know Your Fabrics.
For extra ease and comfort in the warmer weather, opt for machine washable, non-iron looks so you can grab, pack and go.

#7 Layer Effectively.
Tees, camisoles, shirts, sweaters and jackets can be combined in a myriad of ways to give you climate control and a polished appearance.

#8 Connect the Dots.
Pay attention to buttons, zippers, stitching and other details on clothes and accessories as you assemble your outfits. Typically, it takes a minimum of three similar metals, colors or other details to pull a look together.

#9 Tie It All Together With Casual Outerwear.
Wraps and rain & shine coats are a necessity for challenging weather and chilly nights, even in the summer. You enjoy all your clothes more when you take the time to think through your outerwear options. Make sure casual outfits are included in this thought process.

#10 Check Out At the Store, Check In With Your Closet.
Before you snip the tags, be sure what you buy complements what you already own. Promptly return anything that is an extra or doesn't make you feel your personal best.

Last Word

Casual clothes help you celebrate everyday moments and should be treated with as much thought and attention as the rest of your wardrobe. There is nothing casual about planning ahead so that you look and feel your personal best no matter the dress code for the days ahead this season!

To do your own style searches, go to your favorite retailer or search engine and type in the item you are trying to find (i.e. "skinny jeans"). Then see what comes up! Good luck!